Friday, January 9, 2009

Internal Architecture

Frustrated with my efforts in trying to get Chrissy to stay with one of you while we are away, an interesting article by David Solie came across my way that seemed to make sense. It talked about our reasons in moving a parent from their home - such as being helpful, safety reasons, convenience and such. Solie refers to “internal architecture” and that emotionally, our parent has “secret scaffolding” that supports her and it’s all tied to being home. Our mother’s house is her world – exactly how she wants it, familiar and a strong element of safety and control; to be in a new space creates psychological discomfort. Yes, even for only a few days. Solie believes that when we ask an older person to leave their home it’s like asking them to give up the equivalent of water or oxygen. Staying in her home is the last area of control – important, as she seems to be in a place where her ability to control is limited and precarious. Her health is fragile, her husband is gone, most of her brothers and sisters have passed, friends and neighbors that she was once close with are gone – her home is an anchor of sorts.

1 comment:

Kerry said...

So true and that is why it breaks my heart whenever (which is often) my mother says, "Can you take me home?" In her mind my home will never be accepted as her home.